Tag: Winning

Win With Class

“Turn it to MSNBC,” I said.  President Trump had pulled out to an insurmountable lead, and what better way to celebrate than to watch Rachel Maddow and her ilk come even more unhinged than they already were?  After seeing them saying awful things about good people for years, it is natural to want to see them lose it, and they did not disappoint, nor did Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, or the ladies of The View.  They turned on each other, blaming people like Joe Biden and Barack Obama for Kamala Harris’s loss.  They made full frontal, nasty, slanderous attacks on the American people.  We were called bigots and misogynists and accused of wanting an authoritarian dictator in charge.  There were tears.  Lots of tears.  It was a complete meltdown.  Online, there was more insanity.  It was hilarious and enjoyable.

On the other side, the people who had supported President Trump were elated.  There was well-earned jubilation and happiness.  There was also a lot of gloating.  It made me think.  In my email, there was a reminder from a family member about what is truly important in this moment.  Part of it read, “It is imperative that followers of Christ be ever-mindful that we are to be salt and light in this troubled time in our nation.  We have a connection to our Heavenly Father that the world needs.”  While the temptation to gloat is understandable, we as conservatives need to restrain ourselves.  Our ultimate goal is to point people towards Jesus.  If we rub in our victory too much, it will turn off some people who might be open to Christianity and drive them away.  We need to be good winners.  To use a sports analogy, it is like watching the opposing team win the World Series and celebrate on your home field.  It is a terrible feeling, and only makes you want to beat them more the next year.  When it comes to God (or politics), we do not want them to hold a grudge like that.   We want them to join us.

This is also important for other practical reasons.  Our nation is still very divided.  We need to win people over permanently, or we will lose elections in the future.  The best way to change our government is to persuade people.  If people whose candidate lost see us rubbing salt in their wounds, they are unlikely to even entertain our ideas.

This does not mean we should not be joyful and excited.  We definitely should be.  This is a great triumph for our country.  It does not even mean that you cannot gloat to anybody, but you need to know which of your friends have a sense of humor and can take some playful ribbing.  It just means that we should try our best not to permanently close off others to our ideas, and especially to God.

While President Trump’s victory is a win for all law-abiding citizens in this country, almost half of the electorate does not see it that way.  They have bought into the media attacks on President Trump and half of America.  They are scared.  They have been told the lie that President Trump will be a fascist strongman who will rule with an iron fist.  Is this true?  Of course not.  We know it, but many of the people who were getting their news from ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, The New York Times, The Washington Post, or any other far-left propaganda outlet believe it.  If you believed our country was being taken over by an authoritarian dictator, you would be pretty upset about it, too.

Fortunately, these negative expectations should actually make it easier for us to win people over.  Our side is so far from authoritarianism that it should quickly become obvious.  President Trump would be the first authoritarian dictator ever whose policies were designed to force you to have more freedom, keep us out of wars, and take less of our money.  In just about every area of life, President Trump’s policies are less intrusive than those of Democrats.  The Democrats claim that President Trump would be the dictator, while they are the party that mandates a million things that we cannot afford and do not need or want.  They forced people to close their businesses.  They mandated that we lock ourselves in our homes.  They closed down our churches.  They mandated we cover our faces and get experimental shots.  They are mandating electric cars that most people cannot afford.  They threaten you with fines if your health insurance is not acceptable to them.  They push mandatory gun buyback programs.  They force your daughters to play sports against biological boys.  They want to confiscate more of your hard-earned money.  The side claiming that President Trump will be an authoritarian is the same side that wants to control just about every aspect of your life.

There are, of course, people who have dug in so deep that nothing will convince them.  For those who are less radical and still have common sense, encourage them to turn off the network news and keep an open mind to some of what President Trump is likely to accomplish.  Do not let the mainstream media spin good news into bad.  If they are expecting authoritarianism, their fears will quickly be assuaged.

If we show people positive results without being obnoxious, they will start to see the light.  If they see that those positive results and our kindness are driven by our faith in God, then we can be salt and light to those who are angry, frightened, overwhelmed or disheartened, no matter their views or what side they are on. This should be our ultimate goal.

High Hopes, No Expectations

Rocky Balboa.  The “Miracle on Ice.”  300 Spartans versus the Persian Army.  The Bad News Bears.  John McClane at Nakatomi Plaza.  Most of us love an underdog story.  Do you know who doesn’t love an underdog story?  The people who were expected to come out on top.  As an athlete, and a very competitive guy, there are few things worse than going into a competition as the heavy favorite and losing.  In some ways, it is better to be the underdog, because if you win, you are a David who overcame Goliath.  If you lose, it is no big deal because nobody expected you to win in the first place.  The pressure is all on the favorite.  If they lose, they are chokers.  If they win, they are just doing what everyone already thought would happen. 

As a player, and especially as a coach, you need to deal with this problem, and I have come up with a mantra to help.  “Have high hopes, but no expectations.”  I can hear some coaches out there saying, “If you don’t have confidence that you are going to win, you will lose.”  Confidence is different than expectation, though.  Confidence is knowing that you are prepared and can win.  Expectation is more of an assumption that you will triumph.  If you expect things to go your way, when they don’t, you will be crushed with disappointment and a feeling of failure. 

I came to realize that this mantra is true outside of sports, too.  Last Sunday at church, the pastor preached a great sermon with the same theme.  He was teaching about how people can make the best of life in a fallen world, and pointed out that life will hurt more if we set the wrong expectations.  He noted that many people expect pleasure and are surprised when bad things happen, making it feel worse.  That is actually the opposite of reality.  Instead, he said that suffering is the norm and blessings are a gift from God.  This adjustment in expectations will greatly improve your life.  If you do not expect anything, you are more grateful for all of the good things that do occur. 

Be careful with what I am saying.  Some people might think I am saying to have low expectations or to expect the worst.  I am not.  That would cause a ton of anxiety and a pretty miserable existence.  For example, I could walk outside and get stabbed by a bum.  This is, after all, California.  I don’t expect that to happen, though.  That would turn me into quite a stressed-out, paranoid person.  Instead, just eliminate expectations, both bad and good.

People realize that this is wise when we talk about things that are very unlikely.  Very few people buy lottery tickets and expect to win the jackpot.  We all can see the folly in that.  Almost everyone goes their entire life without winning the lottery, so you are almost guaranteed to be constantly disappointed if you expect to win.  It is harder to see on other things with better odds, or even things where the odds are in your favor.  As a poker player, there are obvious examples.  When most people are dealt pocket aces, the best possible starting hand in poker, they expect to win.  The problem is, even if the other person has 7-2 off suit, the worst hand in poker, there is still about a 12% chance that the pocket aces are going to lose.  Anybody who has been at a poker table when this happens knows the disappointment and frustration that it causes.  It is often accompanied by colorful language or nasty comments to the other player or the dealer.  The high expectations are what cause this reaction. 

This is where the hope part of the equation comes in.  Some people overcompensate and give up when their expectations are not met.  I have heard many poker players say, “Next time I see aces I’m just going to fold them face up.”  That is, of course, ridiculous, because you are going to win most of the time.  You have to remain hopeful.  Hope is what keeps us going.  Without hope, we give up and see no point in trying.  If we don’t try, we will never succeed.

This is true in all areas of life.  In the past, I would go on a few promising dates with a girl and start to think, “This is the girl for me!”  Then, when those expectations were not met, it was awful and heartbreaking.  I had allowed myself to get high expectations.  Thankfully, I remained hopeful.  Had I lost hope and given up, I would never have met my wife.  Hope keeps us going.  As the Russian novelist Fyodor Dostoevsky put it, “To live without hope is to cease to live.”

There is an exception to my rule.  I expect effort.  Everyone fears failure.  Get over it.  Try your best.  If a player I am coaching drops a ball, it is not ideal, but I will not yell or get angry.  If, on the other hand, they are worried they will drop a ball, so they slow down and don’t try their best to get to it, I will get mad and call them out for their lack of effort.  You cannot control results, but you can control your effort.

Now, whether it be in competition, business, love, or any other area of life, have confidence, keep the hope, and give your best effort, but eliminate your expectations.  You will be a lot happier, and probably more successful.