I have a confession to make. Every Monday night, I sit down, open a bottle of wine, and watch The Bachelor. My sister used to text me to ask what I was up to, and I would send her a picture of some food, wine, and The Bachelor on television in the background. In fact, the picture of pizza on top of the Steve Connally’s Brain Facebook page is one of them. She would laugh at me back then, but eventually she started joining me to watch. Now we get together every week for the spectacle.
Obviously, you should not look to The Bachelor franchise for your morals and values. Between drunken arguments, fantasy suites, and dramatic rose ceremonies where grown adults cry over a person they have spent less time with than their dentist, the show is the definition of a guilty pleasure. This year, however, The Bachelorette has annoyed me with a recurring theme. No, I’m not talking about the super woke firing of host Chris Harrison for having the gall to think that a 24-year-old girl should not be labeled a racist and cancelled from society for wearing a pretty dress to a party, although that is very annoying. What I am talking about is a term that they have used over and over again to describe the current Bachelorette, Katie Thurston, throughout this season of The Bachelorette. The term is “sex-positive.”
Both my sister and I noticed “sex-positive” being used multiple times in the first few episodes, to which I observed, “I think sex-positive is just the politically correct term for slutty.” She said, “No. I think you can be sex-positive and still have moral standards.” I agreed that sex is definitely a positive thing within a certain framework, namely between a married husband and wife, but I doubt that is what they meant considering the progressive, secular slant of mainstream entertainment, and the fact that none of the people on the show are married. So, I looked it up, and as usual, I was right.
The current definition of “sex-positive” not only lacks any moral standards other than consent, but it forbids them. An article on healthline.com explains that sex-positivity “involves being nonjudgmental and respectful regarding the diversity of sexuality and gender expressions, as long as there is consent.” It goes on to say that any morality attached to sex is “sex-negative,” including abstinence-only education, purity pacts, slut-shaming, and the “good girl” versus “bad girl” trope. Another article on Yahoo even quotes Dr. Jess O’Reilly worrying that Bachelorette Katie’s definition of sex-positivity might not be inclusive enough. She opines that, “some people claim to be sex-positive, but their definition of sex is narrow — they may not support and show reverence to sex workers, who provide essential services, for example.” So, if you don’t think that prostitution is awesome, or if you think that a girl who wants to save herself for marriage is a good girl, you are considered sex-negative.
If you think as I do that there should be moral standards attached to sex, and for example, it is not a good idea to try to have sex with a bunch of people you just met on a television show, you will probably be accused of “slut-shaming.” Don’t worry about it. Shame is not a bad thing. The Oxford Dictionary definition of “shame” is, “the feelings of sadness, embarrassment, and guilt that you have when you know that something you have done is wrong or stupid.” What is the alternative? Should we prefer that people feel happy and proud when they do something wrong or stupid? No! I feel shame for bad things I have done. That is good. The shame should make me want to correct those behaviors. The definition of “shaming” as a verb is, “to make someone feel ashamed.” I don’t see that as a bad thing. Would it be wrong to shame someone for beating their girlfriend? For stealing? For rape? Of course not. They should feel ashamed.
Here’s the funny thing. The people who say it is bad to shame someone constantly try to shame people they disagree with, including shaming people for shaming people. Even worse, they shame people for doing what is right. For example, while researching I came across an article ripping on The Bachelor for portraying Madison Prewitt, a contestant from last year, in a positive light. Let’s see if you can guess why they did not like Madison with a multiple choice quiz.
A) She got super drunk and threw a pizza from a hotel balcony
B) She supports rocket attacks against Israel
C) She is a Christian and a virgin
Although it seems like A or B should draw more criticism, if you guessed C, you are correct. Madison actually was disparaged for having good character and doing things the way God intended, because that is sex-negative. (If Madi happens to be reading this, I’m single!)
On the other side of the coin, when season 11 Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe had sex with Nick Viall on their first one-on-one date, “Bachelor Nation” went out of their way to show their approval. Anybody who dared to question the wisdom or morality of the decision was denounced as a slut-shamer and a meanie. Now, I actually liked Kaitlyn (not so much Nick), and nobody should bully her for doing what she did, but it was certainly wrong. Saying so is not mean. It’s just a fact. God created sex for marriage.
People tend to think that God is cruel for giving us rules, but they are looking at it wrong. God tells us how to do things to help us, not to be mean. He is not saying, “I made some arbitrary rules to keep you from doing what you want.” He is saying, “This is how I designed creation. If you do things outside of that design it will lead to more harm than good. I love you, so I’m telling you this to protect you from doing things that will hurt you.”
Katie seems like a sweet, fun, and likeable girl. When we first saw her get out of the limo with a big, pink vibrator, I thought it was funny. What is not funny is trying to eliminate morality and implying that doing what is right is a negative thing. Let’s get back to the shouting matches, drama, and finding out who is there for the right reasons, and stop with the politically correct buzzwords. I’ll bring the wine.