Rocky Balboa.  The “Miracle on Ice.”  300 Spartans versus the Persian Army.  The Bad News Bears.  John McClane at Nakatomi Plaza.  Most of us love an underdog story.  Do you know who doesn’t love an underdog story?  The people who were expected to come out on top.  As an athlete, and a very competitive guy, there are few things worse than going into a competition as the heavy favorite and losing.  In some ways, it is better to be the underdog, because if you win, you are a David who overcame Goliath.  If you lose, it is no big deal because nobody expected you to win in the first place.  The pressure is all on the favorite.  If they lose, they are chokers.  If they win, they are just doing what everyone already thought would happen. 

As a player, and especially as a coach, you need to deal with this problem, and I have come up with a mantra to help.  “Have high hopes, but no expectations.”  I can hear some coaches out there saying, “If you don’t have confidence that you are going to win, you will lose.”  Confidence is different than expectation, though.  Confidence is knowing that you are prepared and can win.  Expectation is more of an assumption that you will triumph.  If you expect things to go your way, when they don’t, you will be crushed with disappointment and a feeling of failure. 

I came to realize that this mantra is true outside of sports, too.  Last Sunday at church, the pastor preached a great sermon with the same theme.  He was teaching about how people can make the best of life in a fallen world, and pointed out that life will hurt more if we set the wrong expectations.  He noted that many people expect pleasure and are surprised when bad things happen, making it feel worse.  That is actually the opposite of reality.  Instead, he said that suffering is the norm and blessings are a gift from God.  This adjustment in expectations will greatly improve your life.  If you do not expect anything, you are more grateful for all of the good things that do occur. 

Be careful with what I am saying.  Some people might think I am saying to have low expectations or to expect the worst.  I am not.  That would cause a ton of anxiety and a pretty miserable existence.  For example, I could walk outside and get stabbed by a bum.  This is, after all, California.  I don’t expect that to happen, though.  That would turn me into quite a stressed-out, paranoid person.  Instead, just eliminate expectations, both bad and good.

People realize that this is wise when we talk about things that are very unlikely.  Very few people buy lottery tickets and expect to win the jackpot.  We all can see the folly in that.  Almost everyone goes their entire life without winning the lottery, so you are almost guaranteed to be constantly disappointed if you expect to win.  It is harder to see on other things with better odds, or even things where the odds are in your favor.  As a poker player, there are obvious examples.  When most people are dealt pocket aces, the best possible starting hand in poker, they expect to win.  The problem is, even if the other person has 7-2 off suit, the worst hand in poker, there is still about a 12% chance that the pocket aces are going to lose.  Anybody who has been at a poker table when this happens knows the disappointment and frustration that it causes.  It is often accompanied by colorful language or nasty comments to the other player or the dealer.  The high expectations are what cause this reaction. 

This is where the hope part of the equation comes in.  Some people overcompensate and give up when their expectations are not met.  I have heard many poker players say, “Next time I see aces I’m just going to fold them face up.”  That is, of course, ridiculous, because you are going to win most of the time.  You have to remain hopeful.  Hope is what keeps us going.  Without hope, we give up and see no point in trying.  If we don’t try, we will never succeed.

This is true in all areas of life.  In the past, I would go on a few promising dates with a girl and start to think, “This is the girl for me!”  Then, when those expectations were not met, it was awful and heartbreaking.  I had allowed myself to get high expectations.  Thankfully, I remained hopeful.  Had I lost hope and given up, I would never have met my wife.  Hope keeps us going.  As the Russian novelist Fyodor Dostoevsky put it, “To live without hope is to cease to live.”

There is an exception to my rule.  I expect effort.  Everyone fears failure.  Get over it.  Try your best.  If a player I am coaching drops a ball, it is not ideal, but I will not yell or get angry.  If, on the other hand, they are worried they will drop a ball, so they slow down and don’t try their best to get to it, I will get mad and call them out for their lack of effort.  You cannot control results, but you can control your effort.

Now, whether it be in competition, business, love, or any other area of life, have confidence, keep the hope, and give your best effort, but eliminate your expectations.  You will be a lot happier, and probably more successful.