Tag: fun

Lead by Example

My wife is a businesswoman and she works very hard.  She sometimes wonders why I put so much time into having fun.  As most of you know, I still play baseball at a pretty high level.  I am in a Wednesday night bowling league.  I play poker.  Not only that, but I coach baseball for work.  I also like to be involved in many social events with friends and family.  I am spontaneous.  I was just out to lunch for a friend’s birthday, and another friend asked if I wanted to come over and sing songs while he played the piano.  I did, and it was fun.  I want to enjoy my life.  Even more than that, I want my life to be meaningful and important in a positive way.

This has led to a discussion between my wife and me about what is important in life.  She says that having fun all the time is not realistic.  I agree.  There are certainly things that everybody has to do in life that they do not want to do.  Work immediately comes to mind.  Here’s the thing.  The fact that you have to work does not necessarily mean that it is more meaningful or important than fun.  For example, if 98% of the lawyers and politicians were not working, the world would be a better place.  Just like fun, if work is not done for the right purpose, it is not a good thing. 

I was just re-reading the book of Ecclesiastes, and was reminded that anything we do without it being for God’s purpose is vanity.  This does not mean that nothing we do matters.  It means that the things we do that affect eternity are the only things that ultimately matter.  As Colossians 3:2 puts it, “Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.”   What can we do on earth that affects eternity?  We can lead people to put their faith in Jesus.

Once we know this, the only question left becomes, “What will lead people to put their faith in Jesus?”  There are the obvious answers, like inviting people to church or telling people about Jesus, and those are certainly important, but they are not usually very successful by themselves.  I have often seen people at events holding signs telling people to repent and turn to Jesus and wondered, “Has there ever been anybody who repented and turned to Jesus because of somebody doing that?”  In fact, shouting about God on a street corner is probably counterproductive and turns people off.

So, what does work?  What can help usher in a religious revival in our country that actually causes lasting change?  The answer is not to be pushy.  The answer is to lead by example.  Make people want to have a life like yours.  These four things will get people to want to turn to God.

  1. Be fun.  If you are regularly doing fun things, laughing, and in the middle of exciting moments, people are going to like you more.  People want to spend time with likeable, fun people.  If you are not fun, nobody will want to be around you, much less be like you or take any advice from you.  Fun also puts you in a position to meet people and build relationships with them.
  2. Be good.  There are fun people who are no good.  I know people who are a blast to hang out with but are not good people.  I would never put them in charge of money, because they are shady and the money would be gone.  I would never want to work with them because they are flakey.  I would not want them to date anybody I care about because they would treat them badly.  Being fun is certainly not good by itself.  Think about Pleasure Island in Pinocchio.  The kids are having fun, but are being bad.  This is why I specified that I want my life to be meaningful and important in a positive way.  If you are fun, but also honest, trustworthy, reliable, and helpful, people will respect you. 
  3. Be happy.  Fun and happy are related, but definitely not the same thing.  There are people who do a lot of fun stuff, but are not happy with their lives.  Happy people smile a lot and rarely complain.  Happy people keep things in perspective and remain relatively happy even when things go wrong.  Happy people can feel sad when something terrible happens, but their default position is cheerful.  Fun makes people like you and want to be around you, but happy makes people want to be like you and emulate you.
  4. Let people know that God is the key to your happiness and success.  Once people like you because you are fun, respect you because you are good, and want to be like you because you are happy, you have to make it known that you are that way because you are a Christian.  It is the truth.  I certainly would not be good or happy without God in my life.  In fact, life would be meaningless.  Once they know that God is the key to your happiness, you do not have to be heavy-handed or pushy.  Be ready to answer questions about God, but you do not have to constantly preach at people.  Instead, lead by example.  Continue to be fun, good, and happy.

There is one more thing.  If you are not all of these things, do not tell people you are a Christian.  I relate it to politics.  When I am out wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat, I am a billboard for President Trump, and I want him to win.  I go out of my way to make sure I am smiling and kind to people.  I always try to be that way, but I am even more conscious of it when I am representing President Trump.  I tip better at restaurants if I wear the hat.  I want people to know that the media is lying when they denigrate President Trump and his supporters.  I want them to know that we are good people.  If I am grumpy or rude, it will turn people off.  In fact, I take off the hat when I am driving, because nobody thinks other people are good drivers, even if they are. 

Similarly, if I am not fun, good, or happy, and then I tell people that I am a Christian, I am poorly representing God.  Nobody is going to see a Christian who is unhappy or constantly complaining and say, “How can I be like that?”  I had a friend who would often post on social media about God, but would mostly post complaints about his life or about some girl he was dating.  It drove me crazy because anybody who saw that would think, “That God thing sure isn’t working very well for him.  I’ll figure something else out.”  If you are not fun, good, and happy, work on that before you tell anybody that you are a Christian.

Now, go out and enjoy life.  Having fun may seem frivolous, but it leads to the most meaningful parts of your life. 

Taylor Swift:  A Concert Experience

My wife and I have won “aunt and uncle of the year.”  For Christmas last year, we got my three nieces, who live in North Carolina, tickets for the Taylor Swift Eras Tour at Sofi Stadium in Los Angeles with us.  We also took my two sisters.  My oldest niece is 15-years old and a huge Swiftie.  She has seen Taylor Swift twice before and knows all of the inside information that Swifties know.  My other two nieces, who are 12 and 9, are Swifties in training.  As the concert was about to begin, my oldest niece told me that it was going to be more than just a concert.  It was going to be an “experience.”  She was right.

Taylor Swift put on a concert like no other concert I have ever attended, and I am not an amateur concertgoer.  Just in the past year, I have been to two other big concerts at Sofi Stadium; Paul McCartney and Billy Joel, as well as seeing Styx, Cheap Trick, 3 Doors Down, The Doobie Brothers (in Phoenix), Rod Stewart (in Las Vegas), Sting (in Las Vegas), and The Cure (in England).  Here are some of the things that make Taylor Swift stand out.

The Bracelets – The experience actually starts way before the concert.  In one of Taylor’s songs, there is a line about making friendship bracelets.  Her fans took the line as a call to action, and now they make friendship bracelets to wear and trade at her concerts.  My wife and I had heard about the phenomenon, so we bought some bead kits from the local craft store, and when my nieces arrived, we had a bracelet-making party at Grandma’s house.  We listened to Taylor Swift music while we made bracelets that spell out album names, song lyrics, or other Taylor-related tidbits.  When we arrived at the concert, everyone had them.  My wife’s biggest takeaway from the concert was that everyone was so open and friendly.  Nobody was shy, which I love.  From the moment we arrived, complete strangers were walking from person to person trading bracelets, having conversations, and making new friends.  Even celebrities have been spotted participating.  This seemed to be my youngest niece’s favorite part, because we could barely drag her away from trading bracelets to leave at the end of the night.

The Clothing – My wife asked me what to wear to the concert and my response was, “it’s not the theatre, it’s a concert.  I would guess people just dress casually.”  Then, I asked my oldest niece.  I was wrong.  She said a lot of the people dress in outfits from Taylor Swift album covers or performances.  She had already picked out a very sparkly dress that looked kind of like a disco ball, along with disco ball earrings.  When we got to the show, there were thousands more sparkly dresses, along with ringmaster outfits, elegant flowy gowns, and other elaborate getups that I don’t even know how to describe.  My mom dropped us off and picked us up from the stadium because parking was over $200, and she said it was worth the drive just to see all of the outfits.  Then there was the number “13” written on most of the girl’s hands.  That is, as you might guess, because 13 is Taylor’s lucky number. 

The Technology – After seeing the Taylor Swift Eras Tour, I was left pondering if there was ever a show in the past that was even close to comparable visually.  The best comparison that I could think of was KISS, who was famous for elaborate outfits, crazy makeup, and breathtaking pyrotechnics.  Technology from the past could not compete with what they were able to do for Taylor Swift.  There was a huge video screen on the back of the stage.  Since the Eras Tour was over 3 hours long, covering her 17-year career, the videos and images on the massive backdrop denoted which “era” of her career she was on. 

The gigantic stage went out into the crowd about 80 yards for Taylor to dance and sing down with her backup dancers.  It had hydraulic platforms that would lift her up from the stage at different times during the show, as well as trap doors that she could drop down into between songs for costume changes. (She probably changed costumes more than 10 times.)  It was also a video stage, which allowed for cool effects like snakes striking at dancers, bicyclists leaving tracks around the stage, and one point where Taylor Swift dives into a trap door and appears to swim from the front end of the stage all the way to the back.

Finally, the coup de gras.  I remember when I first started going to concerts and a ballad would come on, and people in the crowd would hold up a lighter.  Then a few years later, when they became more common, people started to hold up their glowing cellphone screens.  At the Taylor Swift Eras Tour, as you walk into the stadium, you are handed a wristband.  This wristband has a geolocator inside that knows exactly where in the stadium you are.  Then it lights up and flashes different colors depending on where you are standing.  This allows for some amazing effects.  They can flash with the beat of the music.  They can create waves of light or colors, almost like when people do the wave at a sporting event.  They can also make patterns of light in the crowd.  For example, at one point there are hearts made of light on either side of the crowd.  It was astonishing.

The Music – It is, of course, a concert, so the music is what matters the most.  Now, if you have read some of my other articles where I talk about values, politics, and religion, you may think I am exaggerating when I say this, but I am about to say the most controversial thing I have written yet.  Taylor Swift has songwriting chops in the same league as Lennon and McCartney.  As a huge Beatles fan, that is almost blasphemous to say, but she really is a brilliant songwriter.  Just like Lennon and McCartney were able to churn out catchy hit after catchy hit in the 1960s, Taylor Swift is already able to play an over three-hour concert with songs that people sing along with, and most of them you would recognize even if you are a little older than her target audience.  Not only that, but she is still in her songwriting prime, so I am sure there are more chart-toppers to come. 

Speaking of singing along, before going to her last Taylor Swift concert, my oldest niece wanted to be surprised by the setlist, so she didn’t look it up.  She did, however, want to be able to sing along with anything Taylor played, so she looked up and learned the lyrics to all her songs!  Apparently, that is not uncommon.  At one point, Taylor Swift asked the crowd if anybody did any lyric memorization for the show, and there was a thundering response.

The Excitement – The excitement is palpable.  I had only ever seen anything like it in old film of the Beatles.  There were a group of girls sitting near us who were literally sobbing through most of the show.  People (including men) were screaming “Taylor!” at the top of their lungs.  At one point in the show, she finishes a song on the piano and looks up into the crowd and lets everyone go crazy.  It was possibly the loudest I had heard a crowd since being at the Kirk Gibson game at Dodger Stadium.  My niece looked over at me and said, “Last time this ovation lasted 8 minutes before she started again.”  After 8 minutes this time, the ovation was still going for another minute or two, and might have continued longer had Taylor not started talking.  It certainly was an experience I will never forget. 

Don’t Be Shy

Have you ever taken one of those Myers-Briggs Personality tests?  It asks you a bunch of questions and gives you a four-letter categorization of your personality based on four different characteristics.  The first trait it attempts to evaluate is whether you are an introvert (I) or an extrovert (E). The letters are not supposed to mean that one or the other is necessarily better or worse.  It is just supposed to tell people which way their personality leans.  There is, by the way, some difference between introverted and shy.  A shy person fears negative judgment by others and feels anxious in social situations, so they tend to avoid them.  An introvert is usually introspective and feels overstimulated by social situations.  They often prefer quiet, alone time to think instead of being around people.  While they are not the same, there is some overlap between shy and introverted, namely, that both will often avoid social situations.  For this reason, I believe that one possibility actually is better than the other.  I encourage you to act like an extrovert.

If you are shy, or an introvert (which I will use interchangeably from now on), please do not get defensive.  This is not an attack or even a criticism of you.  In fact, when I take the Myers-Briggs test, I am an INTP.  There is nothing wrong with being introverted.  By that, I mean that there is nothing immoral about being shy.  Someone is not a bad person because they are shy.  This is entirely a qualitative assessment, not a moral one.  I want all of us to have a higher quality of life.

What led me to this thought was a friend on social media.  You probably have some friends online whose posts make you think.  This particular friend of mine often posts stories and memes about being an introvert and trying to avoid going out and spending time with others.  They are amusing and good-natured posts, but whenever I see them, it makes me feel bad for her.  She is missing out on so much in life!

Don’t get me wrong.  Sometimes spending a night alone at home watching TV is great.  That being said, almost all of the most memorable moments in life are spent with other people.  Let’s be honest, people are interesting, and the only way to meet them is by putting yourself in a position to.  My suggestion is to seek out opportunities to go interact with people.  Join a club.  Join a team or go to sporting events.  Go to parties.  Travel and mingle with the locals.  Sing karaoke.  Don’t worry about what people might think.  Most people are too worried about what others think of them to be too critical of you.

Another great idea is to get a social job.  Many of the articles about introverts suggest that they get jobs that do not require much interaction with other people, like computer jobs or cubicle jobs.  Those articles imply that these jobs are a good idea because it fits the personality of the introvert.  The better idea is to do the opposite.  I once dated a girl who was bartending when I met her, but I soon realized was pretty shy.  She said that she got the bartending job to force herself out of her comfort zone and meet new people.  It worked, and her life was richer for doing it.  Heck, she met me.

As I said, I lean towards introversion.  It is all right if you think quietly at times.  Occasionally, someone will notice I am not being talkative and will ask what is wrong.  Most of the time, nothing is wrong and I am contemplating some deep issue of life, or some idea for an article for this blog.  Being contemplative is perfectly fine.  I am not suggesting you have to constantly be the loud, crazy, life of the party.  Thinking before you speak or act is usually a good idea.  People see the strong, silent type in a positive way for good reason.  That being said, never let your feelings stop you from fully experiencing life.

The movie Yes Man with Jim Carrey is a fun, silly film, but it helped me to this realization.  In the movie, Jim Carrey hears a motivational speaker who tells him to say “yes” to every opportunity that presents itself.  When he does, he begins to thrive and succeed in many areas of life because he is putting himself in the position to do so, when previously he never would have had those chances.  Of course, you can’t say “yes” to everything, and eventually, he figures that out, but the principle of being open to more opportunities is a good one. 

My general rule is that if somebody suggests that we do something or go somewhere, as long as it is not immoral, I will say yes.  If a friend calls and wants to go out, say yes.  If somebody invites you on a trip, go.  If you don’t feel like going, ignore that feeling!  It will make your life fuller.

Now, I am going to follow my own advice.  Instead of watching the rest of the baseball playoff games here in my hotel room, I am going to head out to a sports bar in Phoenix to watch.  Maybe I will meet some new people and some fun adventures will ensue!

My New Favorite Baseball Player

When I was a nine-year-old Little Leaguer, the picture day photographers made the players our own baseball cards.  On mine was my picture and some facts about me, including my favorite player.  I was on the Yankees and my dad had probably shown me the Gary Cooper classic, The Pride of the Yankees, so when they asked me who was my favorite player, I said Lou Gehrig.  I was definitely a strange kid to pick someone who had died nearly 50 years earlier, but The Iron Horse is still a pretty solid choice. 

Now, many years later, I have a new favorite player who is even more unexpected.  Jack Wilson spent most of his 12-year Major League career as a shortstop for the Pittsburgh Pirates.  While Gehrig is an all-time great who hit .340 lifetime with 493 home runs and six world championships, Wilson hit .265 with 61 career homers and never appeared in the postseason.  You probably think I’m crazy to put them in the same sentence, but let me explain. 

As many of you know, I am a baseball player.  I pitched for a few seasons in Mexico and I still play in some pretty competitive leagues and tournaments, including spending most of October each year playing in Arizona.  Many of the better teams are full of very good ballplayers who played minor league or college baseball but fell short of their Major League dreams for one reason or another.  There are even some guys who got a cup of coffee in the big leagues.  Last year when we showed up at the first game, Jack Wilson was in our starting lineup.  Apparently, he was in Arizona because his son was starting college out there, and decided to sign up for the tournament.  Our manager was happy to snap him up onto our team because, although he is no Lou Gehrig, he is also not one of us “almost made it” guys or even a flash in the pan September call up who played a few games in the Majors.  He had a successful big league career, including a Silver Slugger Award and making an All-Star team in 2004.

Let me be clear, I am not easily star-struck and have played with quite a few other Major Leaguers.  As I told Jack, he is not even the most accomplished athlete I’ve spent time with in the last two months.  That honor would go to former “world’s greatest athlete” Caitlyn Jenner.  Jack is not my favorite player because he is good, although that certainly helps.  He is my favorite because he shows what baseball is supposed to be:  fun. 

Today, far too many players forget that baseball is ultimately a kid’s game.  On one side of the coin, some guys seem to be going through the motions and thinking more about their next contract than winning.  On the other side of the coin, some guys talk about being businesslike and “respecting the game.”  Those are the people who complain when a hitter bat flips, admires a home run, or swings at a 3-0 pitch when batting against a position player.  My favorite players are the ones who look like they are having fun and love being on the field.  I was at game 1 of the 1988 World Series as a kid and the other moment that stood out to me besides the Kirk Gibson home run was Mickey Hatcher hitting a home run in the first inning and flying around the bases with his arms in the air like an excited little kid.  That is the joy that players should have on a ballfield.

Jack’s love of the game is obvious and his energy is infectious.  He was a shortstop during his professional career but he wanted to play in the outfield for us.  We put him out there.  Then, when I showed up for the game I was pitching, the manager told me, “Jack wants to catch.”  I was thrilled and figured I certainly would not have to shake off my catcher that game.  He was really into catching and talked to me between each inning about how we should adjust and set up hitters.  I ended up striking out 14 in the game.  Jack enjoyed catching so much and was so good behind the plate that we had him catch in the championship game of the tournament, which ended up being an 18-inning marathon win.

When our manager sent out the roster for this year’s tournament, one of the first things I looked for was Jack’s name.  Sure enough, it was on there.  (I heard someone congratulate our manager on getting him back, to which he replied that Jack had been the one excitedly asking him about it.)  At the first game, Jack was smiling and ready to go like a kid on Christmas.  Then, early in the tournament he hit a ground ball and pulled a hamstring running to first base.  He limped back into the dugout looking dejected and said it was pretty bad and he couldn’t play.  Nobody would have blamed him if that was true.  He has nothing to prove to us and was obviously hurting.  However, about 5 minutes later Jack got up, went out to the bullpen, and started testing his leg.  He came back in and said, “I can’t swing the bat, but I think I can catch.  It doesn’t hurt when I crouch or throw.”  We thought he was crazy, but we loved that he wanted to play so badly.  It gets better, though.  The next day when we showed up to the game, Jack told us he thought he could hit left-handed because it’s easier on his hamstring.  He was not a switch hitter during his career, but he barreled up everything and was by far our best hitter for the rest of the tournament.  It was impressive.

On top of having talent and a great attitude on the field, Jack is a really good guy.  He never acts superior to us and enjoys talking baseball and answering our questions when we ask.  I heard guys ask him things that he’s probably been asked 100 times before and he graciously answered, sometimes eagerly telling stories along with it.  When I asked him about his All-Star Game appearance, he told me about the All-Star weekend and his two at-bats; a lineout to left against Ted Lilly and a pop out to second against Mariano Rivera. 

Now, Jack is the head coach at Thousand Oaks High School, which had the highest-ranked baseball team in California last year. The way to get better at anything is to emulate people who are successful at it, so his players have a great advantage.  His enthusiasm is an example that I want to follow in everything that I do.  As a coach, when I do lessons for kids, the biggest predictor of success is enthusiasm.  If a player is thrilled to be on the field, enjoys watching baseball at home, and loves competing, he is more likely to become a good player than a kid with more natural ability who is not passionate about the game.    

Seeing Jack’s childlike excitement and zeal to play helped me gain wisdom that can be applied not only to baseball, but to other areas in life as well.  Off the ballfield, enthusiasm should help tell us a lot about people.  If you are dating someone who acts ambivalent about you, why keep wasting your time?  I want somebody who is enthusiastic about me, wants to spend time with me, and is eager to talk to me.  If I have to struggle for their attention, they probably are not really into me and the relationship will fail.  If you are starting a business, choose a business partner who is enthusiastic about your product.  Otherwise, expect to do most of the work yourself.  In general, if you surround yourself with ambitious, happy people, your life will be better.

As far as baseball goes, Hall of Famer Roy Campanella summed it up best when he said, “You have to have a lot of little boy in you to play baseball for a living.”  Jack certainly has that, and when you really think about it, my picks for my favorite player are actually more consistent than the statistics would indicate.  Jack Wilson plays baseball like he considers himself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.